off to hospital
Off to hospital tomorrow. Up since 1 am today.
I hope there will be rabbits, carrots and a doctor in a green suit with a bow on his tail–that’ll make it better, for sure.
I used to think of hospitals a safe places. Nothing could go wrong as I lay nestled in the arms of all those bright caring people whose only wish was to make me well.
But it isn’t really like that at all. There is too much fear, pain and waiting and not enough hands to hold, time to talk or water to drink. Pulsing need radiates out of every bed making the halls vibrate with a high pitched buzzing that doesn’t reach the ears. The tiny hairs on the arms and the back of the neck register the whine. It is evidenced in the restlessness of the visiting bodies, the too wide smiles, the forced cheerfulness and the darting eyes in search of a place to rest. Small shrines of flowers, fruit and cards do their best to impart hope, to quell the shrill staccato-like fear and the dull helplessness that emanates from each curtained cubicle.
Hospital is where you go when all else has failed. It’s the final option and everyone inside knows this. For some it is the last stop and for others, hopefully including me, it’s a pit stop, a place to have our wheels aligned and oil changed before going back out for a few more laps. It’s a tired and lonely place, an assault on the senses, a limbo space between life and death.
I’ll be counting down the days until I can be back in my own bed.